I am not a lover of cheese. In certain circles, this is cause for immediate shunning. I'm not anti-cheese per se; I like Chee-tos, and a pizza without cheese would not be worth eating. But to simply sit and eat cheese, as is, is unthinkable to me. Worse still is cheese dip, which unites this dislike with my hatred of condiments in an unholy marriage.
As luck would have it, and as the universe often plans these things, I fell in love with a man who loves Tostitos cheesy dip almost as much as he loves me and his iPod Touch. He maintains that it is of the gods.
I find this incomprehensible, but I accept it as one of those odd quirks that one must learn to love about their partner. After all, he's grown to tolerate, if not understand, my deep love of The Maury Povich Show. (But look, Marisol has a new babydaddy to test and if I don't watch, I might miss it after 15 tries! He remains unmoved.) Still, I've never been able to get rid of the sick fascination I have with his idea that this cheesy dip can improve any food.
"But Jamie," I say, in the tone reserved for speaking to children and those wielding knives, "Honey, surely you can't mean that. It's not... baby, please don't dip that in it." The "that" in question has referred to, on separate occasions, the following:
- popcorn
- hot wings
- bacon
- cookies
- steak
- the cats (which are not strictly food and I'm pretty sure he was in jest, but the matter stands)
Yes, that's right. I mean to subject the love of my life to possible obesity, heart disease and stroke merely for my own amusement, and the amusement of potential readers. It must be true love.
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3 comments:
Oh Lynn.. I too know what it's like to love somebody in spite of the fact that they think dirty, dirty nacho cheese is the mast amazing thing ever invented by man... just be thankful he doesn't share Darryl's new found love... the powder cheese you put on pop corn.. seriously.. I've caught him shaking it straight into his mouth...
I look forward to further cheesy adventures...
Great idea! Alex loves that stuff as well, while I find it to be pretty gross (to put it charitably.) We quiver with anticipation of your findings.
Here are my thoughts on your poll...
- Bacon? ... Bacon, are you kidding me?!?! FORGET IT!! That's just WAY too easy. As we all know, in Jamie's world, he lives in a Bacon House, wears Bacon Clothes, sits on Bacon Furniture and eats his bacon (Three times a day) off his Bacon Plate with his Bacon Fork & Knife. No, no bacon ... even though the truth is, it's all too inevitable, we know it WILL happen, why waste a vote for it.
- Poutine - Um ... no, just no. For you see, in MY WORLD, I do not acknowledge "Poo-Tin", simply put - It is Poo and belongs left in a tin. 'Nuff said. Thank you.
- Candy - Well, heh, this too is just a matter of time ... But 'Candy' is just WAY too broad a category, this would require a team effort ... many meetings, spreadsheets, sub-categories, some public consultations ... Too much work for right now.
Yes, it comes down to only one option...
- PASTRY!!! - Now, I will give you this, this too has to be broken up into Species' - pastries, baked goods, cakes, etc. But I firmly believe the Twinkie makes for a good start ... I also strongly believe that I posses both the engineering creativity and culinary know-how to make it work.
... I will be in touch.
Until then, you may refer to me as a kindred spirit, a partner in crime, if you will. And you can call me...
- The Cheesy One
"Cheese! Long Live the Revolution!"
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